Christmas pains

Heard one of the more amusing variants on ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ on the radio today that I’ve heard in a long time. It was a song called ‘The Twelve Pains of Christmas’ and I got a pretty good chuckle out of it. I particularly liked the guy trying to rig up the lights.

The Twelve Pains Of Christmas

Chorus:
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Is finding a Christams tree.
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Husband:  Rigging up the lights,
Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Inebriated man:  Hangovers,
Husband:  Rigging up the lights,
Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Frustrated man:  Sending Christmas cards,
Inebriated man:  Hangovers,
Husband:  Rigging up the lights,
Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Five months of bills,
Frustrated man:  Sending Christmas cards,
Inebriated man:  Hangovers,
Husband:  Rigging up the lights,
Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Frustrated wife:  Facing my in-laws,
Chorus:  Five months of bills,
Frustrated man:  Oh, I hate those Christmas cards,
Inebriated man:  Hangovers,
Husband:  Rigging up these lights,
Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.
The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Angry man:  The Salvation Army,
Frustrated wife:  Facing my in-laws,
Chorus:  Five months of bills,
Frustrated man:  Sending Christmas cards,
Inebriated man:  Oh, Jeez!
Husband:  I'm trying to rig up these lights!
Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.
The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Loud kid:  I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!
Angry man:  Charities
Frustrated wife:  And what do you mean, "your in-laws"?!?
Chorus:  Five months of bills,
Frustrated man:  Oh, making out these cards,
Inebriated man:  Edith, get me a beer, huh?
Husband:  What we have no extension cords?!?
Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Another frustrated man:  No parking spaces,
Loud kid:  DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!
Angry man:  Donations!
Frustrated wife:  Facing my in-laws,
Chorus:  Five months of bills,
Frustrated man:  Writing out those Christmas cards,
Inebriated man:  Hangovers,
Husband:  Now why the hell are they blinking?!?
Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.
The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Mother:  "Batteries not included",
Another frustrated man:  No parking spaces,
Loud kid:  BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!!
Angry man:  Get a job, ya bum!!!
Frustrated wife (sobbing):  Oh, facing my in-laws,
Chorus:  Five months of bills,
Frustrated man:  Yo, ho!  Sending Christmas cards,
Inebriated man:  Oh, Jeez, look at this!
Husband:  One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.
The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
TV Critic:  Stale TV specials,
Mother:  "Batteries not included",
Another frustrated man:  No parking spaces,
Loud kid:  I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!!!
Angry man:  Charities!!
Frustrated wife (sobbing):  She's a witch!  I hate her!
Chorus:  Five months of bills,
Frustrated man:  Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!
Inebriated man:  Oh, who's got the toilet paper?
Husband:  Get a flashlight!!  I blew a fuse!!!
Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.
The twelth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
A few guys:  Singing Christmas Carols,
TV Critic:  Stale TV specials,
Mother:  "Batteries not included",
Another frustrated man:  No parking?
Loud kid:  WAAAAAAH!!!!  WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Angry man:  Charities!
Frustrated wife:  Gotta make 'em dinner!
Chorus:  Five months of bills,
Frustrated man:  I'm not sending them this year, that's it!
Inebriated man:  Shut up, you!
Husband:  FINE!!  If you're so smart, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!!!
Chorus:  And finding a Christmas tree.

From the album “Bob Rivers Comedy Corp: Twisted Christmas.”

Lyrics from LaughNet