Cult of Hoo: Avatars

av-a-tar \av-a -t;är\ n
Skt avat;ära descent, fr. avatarati he descends, fr. ava– away + tarati he crosses over — more at UKASE, THROUGH (1784)
1: the incarnation of a Hindu deity (as Vishnu)
2a: an incarnation in human form
2b: an embodiment (as of a concept or philosophy) usu. in a person
3: a variant phase or version of a continuing basic entity

The concept of avatars is important within the Cult Of Hoo. These avatars represent certain aspects of Hoo, who show themselves in the material world by possessing the bodies of the truly faithful. The avatars are very similar to the concept of Loa in the Vodun religion, with the faithful taken control of by another entity.

Becoming of being ridden by an avatar is a great honour for any Hooligan, and the discovery of a new avatar is a great event, often accompanied by drinking sacramental Crown Royal, blessed beer or Holy Paralyzers.

Being possessed by an avatar has nothing to do with the rank of a Hooligan. Virgin Hooligans have felt the touch of an avatar, while some Grand High Hooligans have yet to be blessed.

What follows is a list of the known Avatars Of Hoo and a description of their abilities. Avatars can possess any Hooligan they want, although some are known to have a preference for specific Hooligans.

Jacques Fondue

French Canadien explorer extraordinaire, and first to discover the Ubangi and Kokanee Warriors.

Pierre Fromage

Compatriot and fellow explorer of Jacques Fondue. After Pierre was taken by gronk monsters, he was replaced by his younger brother, Richard Fromage.

Lurch

Born in the depths of Red Robin’s, Lurch is capable of uttering only one sound, a low, painful sounding groan.

Jake O’Rourke

Irish ponce of ill-repute who won’t go to sleep, even when threatened with violence and familial strife. Enjoys piling luggage or whatever other heavy objects are at hand on passed out drunks.

Billy McSackiw

Scottish ponce of ill-repute. Keeper of the legendary Chicken of Bristol and known for passing out when there is still work to be done. The Legendary Chicken of Bristol is actually a very pathetic life form, legendary in its uselessness. Possessing no skeleton, it is constantly flaccid and lifeless, even with outside stimulation. It lacks the ability to go anywhere or do anything productive. Some Hooligans have speculated that the Legendary Chicken of Bristol is dead from having been choked by Billy.

Captain Apathy

Captain Apathy has amazing powers of apathy, which if he cares to concentrate enough, can be projected onto others, inducing a group-wide sense of apathy.

Swallow

An uncommon avatar which rarely manifests itself, Swallow is one of two female incarnations. Swallow is very firtatious and dum as a post. Swallow enjoys chewing gum and trying to get others taste it.

The Chronicler

Usually a relatively sober Hooligan, the Chronicler is responsible for keeping a record of the nights events in order to assist other Hooligans in reconstructing the night. A side effect of the Chronicler’s efforts is that no Hooligan will ever have a successful political career.

Cabin Man

Plaything of the Hooligans. The only avatar to be granted honorary female status.

Dense Man

Although low in power, Denseman is very subtle, the originator of the Holy Ritual of Mowing Lawns. His technique involves the special ability to not be able to take a hint, no matter how broadly stated. Has been known to take over more than one Hooligan, often at the same time. Denseman’s ideals are upheld by the Paladins of the Penis, a brave order of knights who protect avatars from evil promiscuous influences when the avatar’s host is in a weakened physical state. Paladins of the Penis are very favoured by Denseman and so devoted to his ideals that Denseman my manifest himself in a Paladin at the behest of the Paladin without the Paladin observing the proper rituals. It is this limited human control over possession that allows the Paladins of the Penis to be so effective.

DiaperMan

A randomly roaming individual with a confused sense of having lost his wallet. He is known to wander off for extended periods of time to either watch Dr. Zhivago or search for his wallet. In place of his wallet, he now carries a faux-alligator skin purse which is filled with a non-scented, petroleum based lubricant. DiaperMan will remove a quantity of the lubricant using an appendage of his choice and offer it to you while asking the question, “Does this smell like Root Beer to you?”

The DiaperMan monnicker stems from his passion for wearing any type of absorbent undergarment. He is basically harmless, unless cornered without access to absorbent like undergarments. He will then vigorously defend himself with non-sequiturs and social impropriety.

Possibly related to Denseman, Diaperman has zero concept of personal graces when it comes to directing personal questions at his victims in any social setting. DiaperMan was first encountered somewhere on the East Coast of the lower, continental United States of Litigious America during his intense interrogation of Unambiguously Gay M. (formerly known as Ambiguously Gay M).

Spandex Ninja

Martial artist of great renown and cunning ability to avoid Wet Willies even when asleep. Customary garb of Lycra based cycling clothing offers absolutely no camoflauge unless in a crowd of other cyclists.