Category: Miscellaneous babble

I’m Canadian, my wife is American. I’m from the West, she’s from the East. So naturally, each of us has a different vocabulary set. There are a few items that I call one thing, and her by another.

Monday for example, we were at Office Depot to get a laser pointer for a presentation she was doing. At the last minute, she remembered she needed something called postal tape. She tells me to go get the postal tape. So I head off and then realize that I have no idea what postal tape is.

Me (staring blankly): Huh?

Her: Postal tape!

Me: Postal tape? What the heck is this postal tape you’re talking about?

Her: That clear tape you use for packages!

Me (understanding finally dawns on my face): Oh, packing tape!

The same thing happens when I try to tell her what the temperature is outside or give her anything in metric units. She just stares at me blankly until I break down and work out the conversion in my head.

She occasionally pokes fun at some of my Canadian pronunciation. I occasionally mock her accent, which she occasionally slips into when she gets excited or is talking to friends from back home.

Pop vs soda, postal vs packing tape, C vs F, zed vs zee. Yes, we’re different. And that’s probably the way it will stay.

I have a skeleton.

No, not the one inside my body holding me up and not the ones in my closet either. It’s one of those display skeletons you might find in your doctor’s office, or an anatomy lab. It’s not one of those cheesy plastic ones either. This is an actual skeleton, with real bones.

I was walking through our department mail area, and there it was propped up next to the photocopier with a sign saying “I’m headless and homeless. Find me a home”.

It’s not in the greatest shape, and it’s definitely seen better days. It’s been decapitated. The arms have been lopped off and the legs have been amputated below the knees. So I guess it’s just a torso with dangly bits. Some of the nuts, bolts and springs holding the joints together are missing or damaged, so some of the bones bend quite unnaturally. But aside from that, it’s largely intact.

I think it’ll make an interesting decoration for my office, once I find a place for it. Unless of course my wife decides to nab it so she can review her anatomy.

My friends at work have decided the US Army Muslim chaplain that was arrested over the weekend looks like me. I don’t really see it, but I guess I’m under arrest now at the Naval Brig in Charleston, SC.

At least I’m not far from home.

I have to touch type this because I can barely see what’s on my monitor, so forgive the typos. Had my routine eye exam today. I usually go see my optometrist every other year. Getting my pupils dilated for eye exams always remind me just how useful my irises are at making the outside world viewable. There’s nothing like sitting in the exam room with all the lights dimmed, and then walking out to have your eyes seared out of your head by the noonday sun. It’s like someone cranked up the wattage of the sun or something. Now I know how Gollum felt about having to roam around with those hobbits during the daylight.