Category: Cult of Hoo

There we were, enjoying another sunny day on the water floating around on the houseboat.

Somebody produced a bag of balloons from somewhere, which we proceeded to blow up. I think they might have been water balloons or something. So there are a few balloons floating around the inside cabin. We start off to our next destination, and then Joe starts throwing balloons out the window.

“Joe, what the heck are you doing?!” we ask.

“I’m chumming for clowns!” came his reply.

It started off to be a fine house boating trip. Just another pilgrimage to the house boating mecca of the Shuswap lakes. Only this time, there were womenfolk accompanying us. Food, beer and liquor were available in abundance. With the women aboard, the food was of a somewhat higher quality than the ramen and dry and canned soups of previous trips. Canned and dry goods just wouldn’t do. They wanted something fancier and more elegant. Fresh meat was stocked in the fridge. And there was also shrimp among the provisions. Dinner the first few nights was good, much better than most were normally used to house boating.

The next couple of days were spent floating in on the water between several regular destinations. None of these destinations had facilities for disposing of garbage though. This wasn’t something that we needed to deal with in the past. Trash from dry and canned goods compacts easily and doesn’t take up much space. But this time, the trash was more organic. The trash was shrimp shells and meat packaging. So for two or three days, garbage bags accumulated on the back deck. The weather was warm and sunny. We floated around blissfully drunk, pointing the houseboat into the wind so the smell from the back deck wouldn’t be blown into the main cabin. And then, one day, the wind stopped, or the smell of trash and shrimp shells baking in the sun became too overpowering. In any case, suddenly the trash needed to be disposed of. The stench from the trash was just to much to handle.
The map was consulted to find the nearest garbage disposal area. It was at the other end of the arm and would take most of a day to get there. Too late to head off for it, it would have to wait until morning. So another night was spent partying on the beach and getting loaded. There was little happening near our houseboat though. The smell was just too bad. All the action was happening up the beach.

The next morning we traveled to the Narrows and disposed of our trash. But the smell lingered. Not nearly as bad as before, but it was still there.

Shrimp was never brought on a houseboat trip again.

Congratulations to my fellow Hooligans on their upcoming arrival and as yet unplanned wedding. All my best wishes to the round headed kid and his little blonde haired girl :). I’m looking forward to the festivities!

From Hooligan.net:

Someone is pregnant!
Ok you may have heard the rumours, you may not have, either way it is still big news. Someone who shall remain nameless for the time being (not because I want to protect the innocent, nor the guilty. But because it is fun to make you guess) is now preggers. I will only reveal that this is an old dear friend of the hooligans, whom we have known for many many years and who dates back to the gleee club days. I think we all wish this leggy blonde all the best, and hope that the father of her baby will do the honourable thing and marry her. Granted a promise has been made to that effect but nothing more has been forthcoming. Why is he waiting to make plans? only hoo knows.

It all begain in 1994. I was tired of living on my own in a dingy little basement apartment. Geezus was looking to move out of his parents’ house and so was Oreo. So it was just natural for the three of us to get an apartment together. So we began the hunt for a reasonably priced 3 bedroom apartment near the campus area…two mutually exclusive criteria.

After much looking and checking out many apartments, we finally found one, a good sized 3 bedroom 2nd floor apartment for about $650/month. It was a fantastic location. A nice 15 minute walk to campus, and staggering distance to Whyte Ave and the Purple Onion. Close to the Farmer’s Market, and we had the Fringe Festival practically in our back yard.

The MERK Chapter House, as our apartment later became known, quickly turned into the launching point and crash pad for many nights of carousing. It was a gathering place for Hooligans all over.

The collection of empty Coke cans in the corner became legendary, and proceeds from the returns funded purchases of even more cases of Coke, plus the occasional bottle of Crown (to mix with the Coke).

Eventually, the Chapter House became decorated with the spoils of our drunken wanderings. A life sized cardboard cutout of Darth Vader (obtained as a surprise after purchasing the Star Wars VHS boxed set) sat in one corner along with my bike and indoor trainer. Nobody remembers (or is willing to admit) where the street sign hanging on the wall came from. Empty bottles of Crown Royal lining the tops of the kitchen cabinets. The sandwich board sign from the Black Dog mysteriously appeared in our living room one day.
Life at the Chapter House was good, life was fun and care free and became the source of many memories. Walking into the living room to discover a naked girl prancing about. Coming home from school to discover a happening party and no signs of the roomies around. Staggering home from nights spent at the Purple Onion. Pizzas at the Funky Pickle. Drunken Hooligans scattered about the living room from the previous night. Black Creature spewing all over Oreo’s futon. Geezus making a ritual sacrifice to Hoo over the porcelain altar. And who could forget the massive clumps of hair from Geezus’ brush scattered about the bathroom looking like dead rodents.

Sadly, after about two years, the Chapter House was forced to close. I got a job in Detroit, and Oreo moved to North Carolina to work.

Those were fun days living in that apartment.

One Friday night up at RATT, R and M have disappeared from the table. Later they are spotted a couple tables over schmoozing on two members of the female persuasion. Stealthily, we observe (well, as stealthily as any table of drunk people can observe) the evil seductresses sinking their claws deeper and deeper into our inebriated friends. Finally, B decides to act. We must save our friends from the clutches of the evil temptresses. Our friends have been bewitched. They think they want to stay with the females, and keep schmoozing them.

B and I stumble over to the table to see if R and M can be saved. We’re almost too late. We need to resort to stronger tactics.

B says to M: M, your wife just called. You have to go home because Stephanie’s sick.

The sudden breaking of the spell sends a reverberating shock through everyone at the table.

Evil temptress 2 turns to R and says: So, are you married too?

We return to our table with R and M, still in shock, but rescued.

Another successful mission by the Paladins of the Penis.